Pops

What do you get the guy who has everything? Esquire has some ideas: What the World’s Coolest Dads Really Want for Father’s Day.

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The motorsports team of mechanical engineers at the University of Windsor placed second at the annual automotive engineering competition in Rochester, N.Y. “The Baja SAE competition originated at the University of South Carolina in 1976. Since that time, the Baja SAE Series has grown to become a premier engineering design series for university teams.” Over 70 teams from all over the world applied everything they’ve learned in the classroom. The goal: “to design and build a prototype of a rugged, single seat, off-road recreational vehicle intended for sale to the non-professional weekend off-road enthusiast.”

Cornell University took the top spot followed by Windsor and the Rochester Institute of Technology in third. UCF took 13th ahead of USF in 22.

Now, if you’re like me and forced to watch, or listen, to the World Cup, the vuvuzela – the eardrum-bashing African horns set to soundtrack this World Cup –  sounds like an annoying kazoo. The word itself means “pump up.” For me, it’s equivalent to standing on the starting line with 42 fully revved mini cycles hitting 100 dB. Music to my ears.

According to the sound institute, a normal conversation is 65 dB and a rock concert is 125 dB. “The US government’s Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) warns that exposure to noise in excess of 100 dB is safe for only 15 minutes.” – hear-it.org

World Cup officials are considering a ban. One study found that “fans subjected to the vuvuzela swarm were exposed to a deafening peak of more than 140 decibels.”

The solution? Don’t complain, enjoy or stop watching.

For you, Dad, I’ll make you laugh with 107 signs you’re OLD SCHOOL. I bet you could add a few.
1. You remember when they invented whoops.
2. You remember when the water-truck was a wooden cask hauled behind two musk oxen. Yes, oxen.
3. You’ve been thwacked by the surgical neoprene strand of a rubber-band start.
4. You well know the difference between a Combat Wombat, a Pursang and a Cappra.
5. You begged your dad to “forward-mount” your Elsinore’s rear shocks.
6. Then you begged more for him to “lay ’em down.”
7. You’re familiar with Skunk Works and their whole get-up.
8. You badly desired a DG radial head for your RM-125.
9. You knew ’em as Pentons – before they were Katoomers.
10. You recall Team Tamm and L.O.P.
11. You idolized Marty Smith.
12. You knew Micky Dymond rode a Husky pretty damn well.
13. You were stunned when you heard Gerrit Wolsink became a dentist.
14. You never missed ABC’s Wide World Of Sports in case they featured the USGP at Carlsbad.
15. You remember when hot-dogs were the only “health-food” available at the track
16. You dreamt of manhandling a Maico 501
17. You remember Jones goggles and Carrera’s, too.
18. Ake Jonnson and Jack Van Velthoven are household names to you.
19. You’ve pulled serious dirt out of your nose two days after a National.
20. You’ve camped at both Mount Morris and Unadilla and lived to tell of it.
21. You wished you’d never bought those Scott plastic boots. But you did.
22. You’ve owned a duckbill visor or two.
23. You’ve worn football pads in a motocross race.
24. You’ve worn race-gloves with pieces of tires attached to the fingers.
25. You remember when box-vans were “factory”.
26. You’re making stupid-money selling your old motocross stuff as “vintage.”
27. You used to think Heikki Mikkola was the baddest dude on the planet. In fact, part of you thinks he still is.
28. You’ve pulled the lights and blinkers off an enduro bike to race motocross.
29. You recall seeing Jim Gianatsis’ name over every dirt-bike photo in the ’70’s.
30. Mr. Know-It-All both entertained you and pissed you off.
31. And you know who Lovely Louella is and where Chicken Licks Raceway isn’t.
32. You once asked your dad if you could get a Bel-Ray tattoo.
33. Your mom ironed on a Champion spark-plug patch to your jean-jacket.
34. You’ve written letters to companies begging for stickers.
35. You were there when tear-offs were invented.
36. You fondly recall the Wrangler Dash For Cash in Supercross races.
37. You owned at least one “Do It In The Dirt” shirt.
38. You tear up while recalling the sound of the start of a 500 National.
39. You blasted your Zeppelin on 8-tracks on the way to the races.
40. In later years, you rode home listening to the Eagles on these revolutionary cassettes.
41. You witnessed a Supercross in Pittsburgh.
42. You saved up forever for that DG water-cooled head and front-plate radiator deal from DG.
43. You’re familiar with the “Flying W”, WFO and the GYDBT, amongst other terms.
44. You’ve purchased both Bassani and Hooker pipes for your Yamaha DT-250.
45. You installed a white fender-extender on your ’76 YZ-125. Just because.
46. You used to think it nutty to pay a buck-twenny-five for race-gas.
47. You recall MXA magazine having a ROY (Rider Of The Year) that was awarded a truck.
48. You’re familiar with front-falling gates, too.
49. And flag starts. Uh huh.
50. Some tracks even had traffic-light starts! Whaaaaa ?
51. You recall the van craze and its link to mx.
52. Rex Staten always kind of scared you a bit.
53. You still think of Mike LaRocco as “that fast kid from Indiana.”
54. You’ve ridden a bike or two up and into a pick-up truck bed.
55. You’ve also wadded it up performing this stunt.
56. You’ve raced the Open-Class. On a real Open-bike.
57. You remember the Harley-Davidson MX team.
58. You could never afford those FOX-Shox. But you desired them, badly.
59. You remember Bob Hannah’s Open-Bike fan-club at Unadilla.
60. You remember an AMA National in St. Pete, Florida.
61. You thought the Husky chrome tanks were extremely sexy.
62. You were pretty sure the Hodaka transmissions were made of plastic.
63. You always knew that, by the ’90’s, Supercross would be live on TV on Saturday nights.
64. You used to bring your girlfriend and her dog to the races. That didn’t last.
65. You recall Cycle News East & West versions. “We don’t care how the hell they do it in California” – that was the East version’s battle cry. Odd times, indeed.
66. You knew Can-Am’s had rotary valves and no head gaskets.
67. You knew Ricky’s boss had worked in the sport pretty seriously prior to getting into big-rig management.
68. You not only owned a 175, you actually raced the 175 class!
69. You still have your JOFA mouthpiece.
70. You called your pants “leathers” – even if they weren’t.
71. You always wore a kidney-belt. You just did.
72. You’ve seen a Maico 490 Sand Spider shred the knobs off.
73. You know who “Super Hunky” is.
74. You’re familiar with terms like “Full-Floater”, “Unitrak”, “Monoshock” and groovy.
75. You remember the DATSUN USGP Of Motocross
76. Debruzer was some kind of handlebar pad endorsed by “De-MAN”, right?
77. Tommy Benolkin’s name rings a bell with you.
78. You actually attended the Kansas City Supercross.
79. You were there when Darrell Schultz won Daytona on his Chris Haines prepped CR250.
80. You knew Steve Wise was a motorcycling Mr. Do-It-All.
81. You loved watching Jimmy Ellis at the Atlanta Supercross By Wrangler on his Honda.
82. You liked those Dunlop K190’s, you really did.
83. For many years it was only Metzelers for you though.
84. You did give Trelleborg’s a brief try.
85. And Hi-Point’s Red-Dot tires. (Hannah endorsed !)
86. You were at that 1982 Loretta Lynn’s by Kawasaki. 25 classes total.
87. You’ve actually left a motocross race in a Ford Pinto towing a 3 rail Holsclaw trailer, by golly.
88. You’ve heard of both Bauers: Willi and Steve.
89. You had subscriptions to Modern Cycle & Popular Cycling.
90. You’ve heard the term “Maico-Breako” a time or two.
91. You would have given your left buttock for a pair of those “hi-zoot” Simons Upside-Down forks!
92. You’ve seen white KTM’s with red-frames.
93. You actually owned a bike-cover for your machine at one point. No, really, you did.
94. You always wanted to put a 44mm Mikuni carburetor on something. Anything.
95. You knew Josh Hansen’s dad raced a bit.
96. You bought a roost-boost bottle for your bike. Supposedly it straightened out the powerband or something.
97. You worked that Impact-driver like nobody’s business. No Phillips-stripping for you, my brother.
98. The name Torsten Hallman was familiar to you, just like you knew well the Gunnar-Gasser throttle. Hell, everybody did.
99. You’ve broke more than one chain in a day. And you always carried extra master-links. You had to.
100. You knew, that if you only had five-bucks to get home on, you could get four burgers from Mickey-D’s and five gallons of gas for your Econoline van. True.
101. Back then, a rhythm-section was a drummer and a bass player.
102. You wore your socks out and over your boots and your shoulder-pads under your shirt.
103. You thought Tortelli and Pastrana were things you found at an Italian deli.
104. Your buddy wore an “I’m with stupid” shirt.
105. You had, sporadically, one sleazy girlfriend that would wear that “Slave” T-shirt. That chick was fun.
106. You were introduced to Danny Laporte yet were too tongue-tied and mesmerized to speak.
107. You hazily recall there being a small bridge that the riders had to negotiate in the ’70’s at Unadilla – Vital MX
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